Volume 7, Issue 10, page 5

The HRXIOMS Self-Evident Spoofs
(ED. NOTEóDue to space limitations, we've phytes and "old grads" for a mere few hundred
skipped about half the "Haxioms" sent us by dollars. We might add that any resemblance to
this Life-Symbol from Melbourne, Australia. other patented, copyrighted, and registered
For those with titillated interest, we under- self-evident "truths" is purely a mesalliance,
stand there is an "academy" where some imper- regretted under the whimsical terms of our
fect duplicates are being drilled into neo- editorial "Policy".)

By DARCY HUNT
AXIOM 0óThe purpose of both Haxioms and persistency.

Axioms is to stave off arguments. No one c. IS-NFSS is an apparency of existence brought
dares dispute either unless he has seven about by the continuous rising and setting
noncancellable certificates from as many of the sun, which really never really rises
tax-supported universities. From the tax and sets, but really only appears to rise
comes the axe with which he/she hacks the and set-all of which occurs with the sole
Haxioms/Axioms (as the case may be), permission of the Symbol-Maker after he has
HAXIOM 1óLIFE IS BASICALLY A SYMBOL (says the been really properly mollified and deified.

Symbol-Maker). Definition: A Life-Symbol has d. NOT-IS-NESS is the effort to handle considsome mass, some emotion, is limited to Space erations by non-considerations. One hopes
and Time. It has the ability to accept the that it is an apparency and cannot itself
fixed considerations of the Symbol-Maker. eventually be noticed or considered.

HAXIOM 2óThe Life Symbol is capable of more HAXIOM 12óThe Primary Condition of any fixed
than just one fixed-consideration, fixed- consideration is that it is a fixed considpostulate, or fixed opinion. It can laugh at eration and must not be altered by any condithe Symbol-Maker, but doesn't always know this. tions secondary to the primaryness of the fixed
i1AXIOM 3óSpace, Energy, Objects, Form, and consideration. When the fixed consideration is
Time are the sole result of the lack of con- violated (imperfect duplicate), the apparency
sideration made, and maybe even partly agreed of the fixed consideration is un- or de-certiupon, by the Life-Symbol, and are usually not fied, irrespective of the goals of the primary
perceived solely because this Life-Symbol con- consideration in its pristine state.
siders that it would be disenfranchised, ex- HAXIOM 19óBringing the Life-Symbol to take a
communicated, kicked out of the Party, etc., good look at his fixed considerations is disif it did perceive. astrous for the Symbol-Maker, this because
HAXIOM 4óSpace is a viewpoint organized, al- "Certain considerations just naturally follow
located, and limited only by/to/for Symbol- (sequentially) certain other considerations.
Makers for Franchise-Holders. This is sometimes called LOGIC."
HAXIOM 5óEnergy consists of 10 percent of HAXIOM 20óBringing the Life-Symbol to make an
one's income; 5 percent if you pay Cash. Imperfect Duplicate is not permitted. The
HAXIOM 6óObjects consist of Hats, Bracelets, Imperfect Duplicate is an additional considerCertificates, Lapel pins, Books, Busts, Gold ation unauthorized by the Symbol-Maker. This
Seals, Red Seals, Blue Seals, Plaques, Etc., is considered to vio-late a bank account, and
and occasionally, Guck. divine authority.

HAXIOM 7óTime is basically a postulate that HAXIOM 21óUnderstanding is composed of A B C,
insists that one should persist in insisting (Accept, Believe, Credit). A -"It must be
that Life-Symbols should not run out of fixed so:' B- "This is the only way:' C-"The Symbolconsiderations made for him by the Symbol-Mak- Maker sez that... "
er, and especially that Franchises, Hats, HAXIOM 22óThe practice of worshiping a SymBracelets, Certificates, Gold Seals, Red Seals, bol-Maker usually reduces one's bank account
Blue Seals, Pink Seals, Green Seals, Purple and makes Divine Authority "more solid".

Seals, Orange Seals, Dark Brown Seals, and HAXIOM 23óThe Life-Symbol has the capability
Pure White Seals shall not vanish from the of Total Unknowingness. Total Unknowingness
Universal Cow Pasture. consists of Total A B C.

HAXIOM 8óThe transparency and apparency of HAXIOM 24óTotal A B C brings about the vanTime is the change of policy and technique, ishment of the rest of the alphabet.
as well as Standard Operating Procedure, etc. HAXIOM 25óAFFINITY is like a fish that swims
HAXIOM 9óChange is the primary manifestation away from the rest of the fish with which it
of the many "Hat-Wearers" who come and go has been coexisting. It swims so far away that
almost too frequently to be completely mani- it finally realizes that it is indeed a fish,
fested. Or in Latin: " E.pluribus non-transit which it was, all the time, anyway, in the
bono urea (The bus doesn't stop long enough! first place. By the practice of crawling out
Sorry!)" of the sea and up a tree branch, then falling
HAXIOM 10óThe Highest Purpose in the Universe off the branch, it finally learns to fly, until
of a Life-Symbol seems to be the creation of it flies a jet plane that crashes, at which
a fixed consideration, or to quote the Symbol- moment there is some confusion, in spite of
Maker. which it still tries to fly the crashed plane.
HAXIOM 11óThere are four-too-many Considera- Here we have, in the case of the Life-Symbol, a
tions resulting in conditions of existence, great deal of falling away from the belief
but why blame anybody? that one can be a fish, or anything else- down
a. AS-IS-NESS is different from non-considera- to the point where one is only a mere symbol.
tion in that it might, or might not, contain Why should any Individual be on this FISH-tosurvival or be an overt act, or something. SYMBOL scale? The original Chart of Something
b. ALTER-IS-NESS is the consideration which or Other has been mislaidóbut no matter.
introduces "brand new" techniques, and new HAXIOM 26óREALITY is the disagreeableness and
Hat-Wearers into an organization to obtain poignancy of confused considerations.