Volume 10, Issue 1, page 2

9 He said his name was Alphonse V.Ignatowitcz, and that
he represented the Food & Drug
Addicts. Like a typical G-man,
he flashed his card -- which we
examined quite carefully -- not
that we didn't believe him but
we wondered if we'd heard the
name correctly -- which we had.
We had a card, too -- relic of
our old Air Force days -- so we
exchanged proof of our existence. This in itself probably
was an innovation in the annals of Government snoopery.
Of course, we were a bit curious about why we should be so
honored -- maybe they were going
to seize all the "banned" books
in our Rental Library -- but Mr. I
(for short) quickly corrected
our thinking on this matter
when he asked us what we knew
about Scientology and the Hubbard E-Meter. It took us more
than two hours to convince Mr.
I that we knew so little about
Scientology and the Hubbard EMeter -- which, we suspected,
was probably more honest than
anything else in Washington,
the F. D. A. included -- that he
(Mr. I) decided against drafting us as a witness in any
possible upcoming Washington
trial -- which Mr. I admitted
they'd had in mind. However, we
suggested that if they wanted someone to point an accusing finger at the A. M. A., or
the crooked churches, or Congress, or even the Food and Drug
Administration, just call on
us, because they'd find us not
only willing but anxious to
take a Washington vacation at
Government expense. That is,
if and when we get some free
time that isn't being taken up
by alphabetical goons...