Volume 5, Issue 10, page 2

MARCH, 1959 * * * Vol.5, No. 10
JUST "POSITIVE Shoulders
THINKING" ISN'T drooped, deep
THE WHOLE IDEA lines etched
her face, and
the corners of her mouth turned
down in utter defeat. "Life
has been rough with me since I
was born," she complained. And
for an hour, she damned parents, brothers and sisters,
neighbors, teachers, schoolmates, employers, with a double-damn for a husband who didn't understand her.
"Tough," we sympathized.
"And all this time, I suppose,
you were your own sweet self ,
returning good for evil, knowing virtue will triumph, like
it says in the story-books."
"No!" she exploded, and her
lips curled in a sneer. "To
look at me, you might not believe it, but I hate people/
(We believed her.) Once, I even
tried some of that crazy positive thinking, but it didn't
work . Nothing different happened. In fact, I knew before
I tried it that nothing would."
When we explained to her
that her "knowing" nothingdifferent would happen was her
positive thinking, and that it
worked , just as she expected,
the interview came to an abrupt
end. We knew, positively, that
we had added ourselves to the
long list of those she hated.

We see little need to add
much here. All thinking that
gets results is positive -- or it
wouldn't get results. It isn't
the thinking that is at fault,
but that is thought. Negative
thinking, contradistinct from
positive thinking, isn't the
thinking of nonoptimum goals,
but the inability to hold an
idea without blocking its path
with the barriers of if, maybe, I wonder, I'm afraid, and
a myriad other doubts. These,
too, can be quite positive in
their actions -- positively negative.

LisT US SCORN For the inROYAL TITLES formation of new
IN DISGUISE subscribers, and
especially those
who can't recognize facetious
sarcasm unless it masquerades
in harlequin paste, we wish to
explain that the prefixes, "The
Rev. Mr. Dr." used in front of
the editor's name in the masthead do not mean that be wishes to be addressed by all these
titles, or even one or more of
them. Al too they represent
many hours, weeks, and months
of toil and study -- to say nothing of the expense -- all, with
the possible exception of the
"Mr." are printed primarily
for their laugh value. We think
they're funny -- damned funny.

Altho America is supposed
to be a nation without such
identifying titles as "Lords",
"Counts", "Knights ","Barons ",
and other symbols of an ancient
caste system, it is rapidly
developing a subterfuge, and
there seems to be almost a
mania for the acquisition of
titles before and meaningless
letters after the name. The
best way to alienate a possible friendship -- and insure a
padded bill for "services rendered'=-is not to address pill
givers, body butchers, spine
wranglers, eyeglass fitters,
tooth pullers, muscle rubbers,
animal quackers, and countless
others of the same ilk with an
awe-deckled "Doctor".
"Reverend" falls in the
same category. No matter how
one wears his collar, and even
if he wears no collar at ail,
this ministerial designatiop
is apparently available from
opportunists trafficking in
such matters at almost the
bare cost of a fancy certificate. Half of those calling
themselves "Reverend" wouldn't
know whether it was Moses or
Job who ate the crabapple fed
to them by Hezekiah, or Mary,
and Heaven to them is still a
mythical place on the far end
of a mythical string from another mythical place called
Hell. And we think that's one
hell of a notet
Maybe this passion to be
"someone with a title" stems
from the last war, when so
many got such' a bad taste of
rank as practiced by the military. Gold braid was issued
wholesale to misfits who never
Iearned more about war than to
demand recognition for their
insignia. O n e of the worst
tongue-lacings we ever got was
when we called a newly-named
Lieutenant Colonel a "Major"
'3ecause the dim light clouded
the color of his oak leaf.
ite suggested he surround his
emblem with a neon sign to
prevent such errors, if it was
so important to him. Since we
outranked him by being a civilian, we escaped courtmartial,
extra duty, or even a firing
squad, which might have been
our fate had we been an unfortunate enlisted ^ an at that
particular moment .

Even the "Mr." as a symbol
of respect (or whatever it
symbolizes) has little to defend. It's quite evident that
a man's a man