Volume 4, Issue 6, page 7

Part 2 -- By JOANNA
was being processed, my auditor said to me:
"Be aware of de1 this as To- ,
tality". Immediately,
I felt a barrier -- almost a feeling of resentment -- arise from
my body awareness.

Intellectually, I knew better than that,
but my body's subconscious recordings
were ganging up on me, and intelligence
didn't enter into it. He kept repeating,
"Be aware of doing this as Totality -- expand your awareness, expand it away from
the body."
You know what it felt like? It felt as
if someone were holding up a beacon light
to a sinking boat. I could feel strength
in those words being constantly repeated
to me -- "Be aware of being Totality; expand your awareness and direct the motionlessness, timelessness, foreverness
at those feelings -- at those recordings."
The body turned on all sorts of pain.
I felt as tho I was going to stop breathing, and evidently I was in something
very, very heavy. I could do only a bit
of the process, and then I would feel myself drawn back into body awareness- -I
could not maintain my total awareness beingness. Why? The body was throwing up
more of these emotions, these feelings,
these ideas that were holding me in bondage. But soon, I reached out and I felt
-- and I said to my auditor: "You know,
I'm getting it. I'm getting an awareness
of it." H e was calm and kept saying :
"Good. Expand your awareness. Be aware of
being Totality, and do it." And it was
really and truly as if the beacon light
had brought me to shore.

I. cannot tell with words what this
meant to me to release these things which
were there that were hampering my advancement and preventing me personally from
being aware. Unless I could expand my
awareness and be aware of being Totality,
I could not do this process. I knew this.
I tried to do it, but couldn't, and I
recognized my inadequacy as a body . I
even tried to expand my awareness to one
viewpoint, which is a spiritual level,
but this did not give me enough power to
release myself from these recordings.
Only when I could perceive this concept
of functioning as Totality and it penetrated me and I realized I could do it as
Totality -- and I did -- and I released, and
the body became free, and I was able to