Minister Insists Heaven's 'Up', and 'Up' Is Toward North Pole

that an auditor would be selected to "clear" all members of the HASI staff here as would be the case in London. We suggest it might be interesting to have an English auditor come here for the task and vice versa. However, the report is that Julia Lewis has been mocked up as the auditor to Clear the staff.

Dale Kathary has been dropped from the HASI staff and he and Harry Kemp have switched to treasure hunting hereabouts.

Fernando and Marcia Estrado have started a small nursery school.

Contribution from a visiting Scientologist: "Entheta is any other viewpoint."

Each Copy of Aberree Is Full of Cadillacs

A Phoenix auditor lost the down-payment on a couple Cadillics (one for himself and one for the HASI) recently when a $1,500 preclear (may his tribe increase) backed out after reading a "certain funny publication", it was announced at the Congress.

The ABERREE agrees with the angry auditor in this case. Maybe there should be a law against funny publications, or maybe these publications should be forced to charge for value given -- such as $1,500 a year -- and turn in 66 2/3% of the gross to the HASI.

Minister Insists Heaven's 'Up', and 'Up' Is Toward North Pole

"I'm a Baptist minister", he explained. "I saw the sign on your window, 'Church of Scientology'. Will you tell me what that means?"

"Scientology," we said, "is the study of the being in man; the search for the knowledge that will regain for man his oneness with The Infinite. We feel that Man knows that, but has been beaten down by fear and superstition until he no longer knows that he knows."

"Don't you believe in the virgin birth of Jesus?" he asked. "Don't you believe the Bible?"

"Partly," we replied.

"Have you ever seen one of your kind die?" he asked belligerently. "What do they do when they die?"

"No," we admitted to the first part of the question. "What does happen to them when they die?"

"If they believe in the Bible and the virgin birth of Jesus, they go to Heaven," our visitor said. "If they don't -- "

"Where's Heaven?" we interrupted.

"Up!" he snapped.

"And where's 'up'?" we asked, our ignorance showing.

"Up's up!" he said, irritably. "Everybooy that's seen a map knows where 'up' is."

"I've seen a map and I don't know," we said.

"Why -- up's up -- up toward the North Pole. Any map'11 show you that," we were told.

"And what if you lived South of the Equator?" we asked. "Then where would 'up' be?"

"Have you got any literature -- I'd like to quote you," he said.

We handed him our prepared folder, "What is Scientology", and were going to tell him about "The Infinites", but he didn't give us a chance. Now we probably never will find out where "up" is, or just where and to whom we were going to be quoted.

Life can be such a problem, sometimes.

And They Buy A-Bombs

Study of the nightmarish legal gibberish called "Income Tax Forms" leaves us with two conclusions: The Government favors the small business, as long as it's large enough to afford four bookkeepers and two tax experts; and, we know now what happens to people who've had their brains scooped out by psychiatrists: They run for legislative jobs.

RUNNING "OPENING PROCEDURE" WITH THE EYEBALL GIVES ABERREE O.K.

What happens when you send a class magazine, such as The Aberree, to someone who knows nothing of Dianetics or Scientology? How do the uninitiated accept the terminology that, to the outsider, must sound like another language?

Most cannot understand it, and say so with more or less frankness. However, recently we sent a copy to a friend of ours, the Rev. Edward Lathrop, of Flora, Ill., who publishes The INDIAN, a nostalgic magazine for former Lone Scouts.

This is his review:

"November Issue is before us. We 'exteriorized' the issue and found it so attractive that we attempted Route One through it. Moving the eyeballs left to right, page by page, we discovered in its redundant phraseology so many screens set up that we became convinced we would end up a thetan. So we switched to Route 2 and later to Routes 3 and 4 only to encounter so many somatics on what we thought would be pre-clear routes, that we landed in engrams up to our neck. Our theta perceptics must be below average, though 'The Aberree', above average in mimeography and illustration as it is, otherwise meets our acceptance level. But maybe we haven't gone far enough. We stopped with going through four times (Route 4) and notice that we haven't anywhere near reached Procedure 30. Guess we've got a lot of reading to do, but it does increase the vocabulary. Anyway, we have airily validated our acceptance of the new ABERREE."