Cap and Bells? Or White Coats?
Uniform for Auditors --
CAP AND BELLS? OR WHITE COATS?
IT ISN'T the job of the auditor to entertain his preclear, L. Ron Hubbard often has stated -- and yet, many auditors do not realize that unless they get the respect and attention of those they are trying to help, many pre-clears will go to sleep out of sheer ennui. This condition has even less therapeutic value than boil-off, unless the preclear is actually suffering from loss of sleep, and if the auditor is being paid, he might do better hiring himself out as a baby sitter and adding the singing of lullabies to his repertoire.
The following transcription of portions of a group auditing session given in Phoenix recently is reprinted by request. Although it may have have little or no therapeutic value, none of the audience went to sleep.
AUDITOR (Facing 19 students instead of the five assigned to his class): Is all my class here tonight? or have I been duplicating? Will those not present please hold up their hands ... All right, let's start with 10 minutes of nothing... Now, duplicate it... Duplicate it... Throw it away... Now, put two polished brass buttons in the two upper corners of the room, and sit there without thinking... Whatever they do, make them do it more. If they hold still, make them hold stiller... All right, now, put two brass buttons in the back corners of the room for someone else and don't let the one you put them up for think... Put up two buttons in the same corners -- if it gets crowded, you can unmock the first buttons -- and don't let the buttons think... Turn them red... tarnished green... Turn them into pre-Roosevelt gold coins with a picture of Eisenhower on them... Make them larger... Make them infinitely large... John, please pass the hat and pick up all those buttons...
We will now have some Creative Processing -- 1953 issue, LRH. Theta clears will please go on the ceiling and non-theta clears will put their feet on the floor... I want you to create the most beautiful vacation spot you can imagine -- the type of dream place where you could go and spend the rest of your life... If you like mountains, mock up an ocean; if you like horses, get a merry-go-round... When you get that all mapped out, I want you to go to an office over here on North Central and try to buy a ticket... Get into an argument with the head salesman, the cashier, and everyone all along the line when they tell you it costs $800 for a ticket... Now, mock up the six weeks it takes you to get that ticket... (P-C in audience: What's the hidden meaning?")... No significance, at all. When you get that ticket, look at it and see that it says "You've got to walk"... Now, mock up all the courage it would take to walk to wherever you want to go... Duplicate it... Duplicate it... Put some more courage into it ...
Has everyone present had enough Courage Processing this week?... O.K. Let's all walk back into the room now, and mock up all the courage it would take to meet yourself on the street... Let's take this more seriously, please... Get the courage it would take to see yourself ill... Get the courage it would take to see yourself dead... (P-C in audience: "In a coffin?") ... If you wish, if that's your acceptance level. Any kind of handles you think necessary... Let's put out the courage it would take to look at your whole memory bank... (Much yawning in audience)... Put all those yawns in the left wall and feel them back... Get the courage it would take to see yourself as a theta clear -- a little button about three inches across and three feet back of your head...
Get the courage it would take to look into a dark bathroom window... (P-C in audience: "Did you say 'Dark'?")... Now, get the courage it would take to look into a lighted bathroom window with no one in it... Get the courage it would take to look into a lighted bathroom window and see someone looking out at you... Get the am-
